Acknowledging Holiday Stressors
Embracing the Festive Chaos
As the holiday season approaches, our hearts swell with excitement and our homes with decorations. Yet, sometimes, an uninvited guest shows up and their name is Stress! Let’s talk about how to handle this extra visitor.
This article is the first of a six-part series diving into the word of holiday stress. Today, we’re acknowledging the stressors that can dim the sparkle of our festive spirit.
Identifying the Stressors
Expectations vs. Reality: We are conditioned to think the holidays must be picture perfect… something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. The reality though can be quite different. Whether it’s not finding the right gifts, burnt cookies, unwanted discussions over politics or family gossip, the gap between expectation and reality can be a significant stressor. One way to manage this expectation vs. reality issue is to take a step back, pause, and realize that a perfectly round chocolate chip cookie, the perfect handwriting on a holiday card, or a home with a gazillion lights isn’t going to make your experience any better than finding moderation. Making yourself overwhelmed trying to be a Hallmark Channel version of perfect does nothing to make the holiday better. Rather, it builds up pressure inside of you and projects on to others. Perfection isn’t necessary. Being present and happy in the moment is what’s important.
Financial Pressure: Gifts, decorations, food, and travel can quickly add up, creating financial stress. This is often exacerbated by societal pressure to spend and give lavishly. One way to manage the financial pressure is to realize the love for your family and friends, your appreciation for your coworkers and others, isn’t shown by an expensive gift. It’s shown by doing what you can to be available for them, expressing your gratitude to them for being in your life, and by showcasing that gratitude with genuine words and gestures. Love is shown all year long, not just one month because of retail pressure. Going broke to buy gifts isn’t a solution to stress, it’s a cause of stress. Set limits on spending that you can do and not be stretched thin by. Realize not everyone needs to be treated to the exact same dollar amount for a gift. And mostly, remember, you deserve time and attention too. Make time to take to plan your financial year ahead before you start shopping so a bunch of surprising bills show up in January. This is a gift to yourself.
Time Management: With so many events, tasks, and responsibilities, managing time effectively during the holidays can feel like juggling snowflakes in a blizzard. Unless you’re in a red suit trimmed in white, with a few reindeer in front of you, you don’t need to be driving or flying all over the state or country to visit everyone. One way to handle this is to remember that guilt should play no role in your holiday travels or time. If you can’t make it to see Aunt Sally, a Facetime call or a card is perfectly acceptable versus a two-hour drive there and back. If you must turn down invites to a party because you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a break, it’s OKAY to do so. Setting boundaries on your time for shopping, baking, gathering, etc.… is a crucial step to taking control of your daily experiences. Consider planning your calendar a week in advance. Start with a blank seven-day grid and write down two days that you can leave open for YOU and maybe your significant other if you have one. Set those two days so that you have time to achieve your tasks, goals, and self-care.
Family Dynamics: Family gatherings, while joyful, can also reignite old tensions and create new conflicts. One way to manage this is to have clear boundaries before you even step foot into the room with others. Set them within yourself. Perhaps politics or your relationship status are not up for discussion with you. If someone brings it up, then you have the right to say, “I’m sorry, I’m not willing to discuss this right now”. If they persist, simply smile, and move the conversation elsewhere or remove yourself physically while still maintaining a smile. Set the boundary of what you will allow someone to discuss with you. While family gossip is typically discussed around a table, and office gossip at after work holiday gatherings, when it gets to a point that hits your boundaries, pause the conversation, say you’d rather shift gears, and offer up a new topic. They’ll get the message. And importantly, if someone says something you find offensive, lock eyes with them, take a pause, and ask them to repeat themselves. This puts them on the defensive. Then after they do, ask them what their intentions were for making that statement. Don’t’ let someone make you feel any way about yourself other than how YOU feel about yourself.
Loneliness: For many, the holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness and isolation, especially for those who are far from family or have lost loved ones. One way to manage this is to remember that this simply a series of days on a calendar. It’s not mandatory that you must be with someone or a group of people on these days. Missing a departed loved one is normal… but it’s normal all year long to miss them. It may hit harder on the holidays. If it does, find a way to remember them in a special manner. If you’re far from home and friends, or must work on the holidays, and you’re feeling isolated and alone, remember that you can find joy in yourself. You can find joy with others at work and with local friends who may also be far from their families. One of our favorite things to do when we feel alone and isolated is to go to an animal shelter and give some love to the animals there that will give you unconditional attention. Loneliness is real, but you can work through it and find a way to feel fulfilled.
Understanding the Impact
Acknowledging these stressors is crucial because they can lead to burnout, anxiety, and a dampened holiday spirit. It’s essential to recognize that feeling stressed during the holidays is normal and that it’s okay to not feel merry all the time.
Conclusion
As we wrap up part one of this series, remember that acknowledging stress is the first step towards managing it. Stay tuned for our next post on the negative side effects of excessive stress. Let’s navigate this festive season with awareness and kindness towards ourselves.